“I Will Send You The Advocate, The Spirit Of Truth.”
— John 15:26
On December 19, 2009, at 3:17 am, my life was changed forever when a precious baby boy was laid on the stomach of a frightened 17-year-old girl. That day is a blur in my head but also crystal clear. God had just given me the most precious gift and while it was in times of sin and not following the Lord’s commands, He was still gracious to me. From that moment, I knew this baby was my responsibility. I was still young and living with my mother, I knew I had to advocate and fight for this little boy.
When my oldest was about three months old I was taking him to the doctor’s office every week. I kid you not! Every week I took him because something didn’t seem right, or he was sick again. Not to mention, my mom would always say something was wrong, and being a 17-year-old mom, I would listen. That’s not to say I shouldn’t have listened, but every week!
Being so young, I thought doctors knew what they were saying and had my child’s best interest at heart. I do believe some doctors have your child’s best interest at heart, but they do not know it all. We have to be the advocate when doctors don’t want to listen and our hearts know something is wrong.
Advocate, Even With Resistance
It wasn’t until I moved to Hawaii and started living on my own with my child for the first time (a story for another day) that I learned what it was really like to be a mom. After my second baby, things changed, but the doctors kept saying everything was fine. For the first three years of his life, he lived on steroids and creams so that he could function. His skin allergies were so bad that his quality of life was hindered.
In 2016, I had enough of shoving medicine down my baby’s throat to cover up a problem. So, I started asking more questions to the pediatrician, then going home and researching what they were saying. I started asking more and more questions, trying to get to the root of his issues. Little did I know that advocating for him would be the start of the pushback. Doctors began questioning why I was questioning them. “Why couldn’t I just keep giving him the medicine that wasn’t doing anything for him?” They would always go back to the same answer, “He has allergies, that’s why. Give him this medicine. That’s the only way he will live a normal life.”
I refused to take that answer. I refused to believe that for the rest of my kid’s life, he had to be on steroids, creams, and shots and that he was going to be constantly sick. Since my child’s issue wasn’t life-threatening, I decided it was okay to stop going to that specialist and do some research on how to help him. Now I’m not telling you it was the right decision but dang it, I had to do something.
Advocate For More Children
Since then, I have had two more children bringing the total to four. They all have something; some are common things, and some are more complex. I have one kid who had part of his skull removed and one kid who just can’t sit still to save his life. Each child needs the same advocating as the other, just in different ways. When I think of advocating, I don’t just think medical, I think insurance-wise, I think friend-wise, but I also think family-wise.
Soon after we moved to Georgia and I found an amazing pediatrician that listened to me, helped me, and researched with me. It wasn’t till I started asking questions that things started happening. Advocating for my children had started paying off.
I will never forget when I told my husband I didn’t want to give our kids the flu shot anymore. He was like, “Your Crazy and you’re not becoming one of these anti-vax people!”. Once he calmed down and let me explain myself and my research, he was open to what I was saying. Even though my immediate family doesn’t always agree with the way I raise my children, I do what’s best for these babies.
My Latest Advocate Dilemma
My daughter’s ENT-PA loves to tell all her residents this story.
In the middle of 2021, I found a white dot in my fourth child’s ear. Since I monitor ear infections and fluid in my children’s ears before taking them to the doctor, that’s exactly what I did. I kept an eye on it thinking it was the start of an infection, and so for the next few days, I watched it. It never moved, but I noticed as I was able to see more in her ear that it looked like a hard, white ball.
So I got on the internet and researched white ball in-ear. If you have a weak stomach don’t do that. From my research, I concluded that it was a cholesteatoma. I called the pediatrician and made an appointment for what could be a cholesteatoma.
Of course, the doctor was like, “So you think it’s a cholesteatoma? Well, those are very rare, how did you find this out.” I go through the whole thing of I have an otoscope, I look in my children’s ears constantly, my daughter has pain in her ear and it itches (noticed from her symptoms) and so I brought her in.
Then that story leads into, “You look in your kid’s ears?”. I told him of course I do. I have a kid who can’t hear because of neglect from a doctor and I won’t let that happen again. Usually, by then doctors are quiet and keep going on with the exam. He looked into her ears and sure enough, that’s what it was. ENT was called, an MRI was scheduled to see how big it was, and a hearing test was scheduled.
Advocate Suggestions
Now it wouldn’t be fair of me to just tell you I advocate for my kids and not give you ways you could start doing this. First, let’s set the scene before we even talk about advocating for our children. Wear the encouraging shirt, pump up the worship music all the way, get in the Word, and then you are ready to fight.
-Take Care Of Yourself-
The first thing to remember is that we try so hard to make sure our kids feel better that we often forget to make sure that we are also taking care of ourselves because we can’t take care of them if we are not taking care of ourselves. That is not a thing I have tried, trust me, it does not work. I have had postpartum depression so bad that the thought of even being around my child made me want to die. Once again, a story for another day. Thankfully I had an amazing friend who walked with me and held my hand along the way, I will forever be grateful for her.
-Ask Questions-
The second is to make sure you are asking all the questions and doing all the research. Reach out to family and friends and ask if they have done anything different or if they know anyone that could help. Get on social media and check hashtags and keywords. Trust me there is someone out there who is going through something similar or has gone through it before. Ask them questions.
-Trust The Lord-
Third, understand you’re not perfect and only the Lord is the great physician. You cannot heal your child, but you can use things the Lord has given you to help.
-Trust Yourself-
Fourth is to be prepared for opposition. Every single person has an opinion, and they are going to give it to you. You need to decide whose opinion you’re going to care about and whose opinion you are going to throw in the trash. Our old pediatrician I loved them dearly and thought very highly of them, so I took her opinion to heart, even when we disagreed. But just because I took her opinion to heart, I didn’t let that affect the way I was choosing to raise my children. I allowed myself to ponder her opinion, do a little research, and come up with my own opinion, whether that aligned with hers or not.
-There Will Be Mistakes-
Last and most importantly, understand that you are going to make mistakes. It’s going to happen and it’s okay. Do not be too hard on yourself, because you are the only person fighting for your child(ren). At least you’re doing something. I remember someone getting mad at me for doing something that in turn wasn’t a good fit for one of my children. I looked at them and was like at least I’m trying to figure out the problem instead of doing nothing. Try not to beat yourself up. I am preaching to the choir on this one, trust me.
Disclaimer: This article was written & provided by Maggie Hairod.
Note From Lajeana Nicole
Let me start by saying I know Maggie personally. We met many years in Hawaii when her second child was under a year. I remember her struggling to find out what was wrong with baby #2. Why was he breaking out so bad? Why did he react to so many things in his life? I truly believe the doctors were clueless about what was happening so they gave her this and that to try and help the problem, but nothing worked.
When baby #3 came along, he started to have issues as well. He always seemed hungry, and he threw up a lot, and it was very concerning. Again the doctors would think they knew the answers. I remember Maggie being done with it all and though she says she started her research in GA, she actually began sooner than that. She would ask our neighbors, which we were really close to, and she would do internet searches, and be right back at the doctor’s office telling them what she had found!
Maggie is not only an advocate, she is a warrior for her children! Though I have not had the same struggles she has had with her children, with my children, I found her advocating abilities top-notch. She has even helped motivate me to look into more issues with my family and strive for a better doctor for the whole family. She turned me into a better advocate for my family.
Would you like to see more of Maggie as a Guest Writer: The Advocate Mom?
What topics would you like Maggie’s view on? Please send me a message via the contact page or follow Maggie on Instagram: @enrichmentmom.