As I re-read this article I decided to break it up. Life is too complicated to read long articles, and truthfully I would love for my readers to fully understand my point of view. Enjoy with a cup of hot chocolate!
The world of raising teens can be super fast-paced yet at times it feels like their issues will never end. Children and adults are living two completely different lives in sync. The parents have work, house cleaning, social life, social media, and whatever else comes our way. Teens have school/work, social life, chores, gaming, and the list goes on. With so much happening all the time, it is hard to realize there are two separate lifestyles. Both parents and teens need to come together to live in sync. Often we forget that we have two different brains as well. The adult brain should be evolving, adapting, and relearning, and the teen brain should be still growing and learning. I call it the 2nd Toddler Phase!
I would love to share with you the ways to reconnect with our children, and how I have opened the floodgates of conversations. Let me be clear, these ways work for my family but are easily adaptable for anyone. The biggest thing I know about raising teens is, that every day is different!
The Hot Chocolate Connection
I’d have to say that my teenagers are different in so many ways. My son seems to have a laid-back, nothing bothers him attitude, even when things are chaotic. My daughter on the other hand takes most issues personally, even when not, and has a hard time letting things go.
There is one thing they have in common though. They love hot chocolate! So I use this to my advantage.
Mom’s Hot Chocolate = Kids Wanting Hot Chocolate
When life is calm, I will grab myself a cup of hot chocolate. It isn’t long before they hear the cup and the water boiling and they decide that they too want some. So I always pull out more cups, add the chocolate mix and water, then mix with a different spoon for each cup. There is something about sipping hot chocolate from a spoon that makes life sweeter. Made With Love: The Cup of Hot Chocolate Recipe
The kids will grab their cups and one will sit out front, while the other will sit in the back. This leaves me an opportunity to choose which kid I feel I need to have a conversation with. I grab my cup and go in one of the directions, sitting by one of them. Usually, they are on their phones so I will bring up a conversation about their day, what their friends are up to, or something that is a light topic. Usually, this leads to their friend doing this, or at school, this happened, and that is when I take my chances to dig deeper. What I have found is that the kid’s “light” topic is usually connected to what they want to talk about, and if it isn’t, it shortly leads to what they want to say.
Teen Talking + Staying Calm = Trust
No matter what is said in these conversations, I remember to stay calm. If the kids tell me they did something bad, I will have a deeper discussion about what happened. (I remember the Who, What, Where, When, and Why they taught us in school for these discussions. This is how I get the information out of them.)
If the kids tell me something bad has happened to them, I still stay calm, no matter what! If they feel I need to take further action, I ask them what they would like to have done. Sometimes all they want is to talk about it and move on. They also like to feel like they can make choices for themselves. (There will be times when action has to be taken regardless, but for the most part, there is a chance for them to decide for themselves.)
If they don’t know what to do or further action is needed, I will tell them, “Thank you for telling me. I need to think about this to know what to do next. Can you give me a few days?” This usually works! There are times when I have no clue and really do need to think about the situation. Then there are times when they are able to problem-solve for themselves while I do the same.
Hot Chocolate + Conversation = Problem-Solving
These hot chocolate conversations have given me a light into their world. In the hardest of times, my children and I have sat down for our cups of hot chocolate and have worked out some very serious issues that later resulted in them telling me exactly what they wanted to do.
Simple Formula:
Hot Chocolate + Conversation = Problem-Solving
If you happen to give this a try, let me know! I would love to hear that it has helped others! It’s something small that may give parents a bigger result.
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