Looking Back with Love: Reflections on Loss

What do you say to a friend who is grieving the loss of a family member or a friend who is about to lose a friend? I thought about the passing of my mother and Papa and wanted to share what I would do if I could turn back time.

Photos & Recordings

We never know when time will be gone. Each moment in life may be the most important.

When my mother was about to pass, I was so thrown into my life as a mother myself. I tried to soak up all the moments with her and the children, however, I didn’t think to record them, together. My one wish was to have a video of the children and my mother. It would have been amazing to share the person who had rocked them to sleep and had given them the love and attention I had always wanted from her.

She had battled her first round of cancer and I didn’t know that a new cancer was about to take her. Cell phones were not as advanced as they are now, however, any recording of the time would have worked.

In the future, I want to be sure to take more pictures and recordings of all of our life adventures.

Voice Recordings

I can still hear my Papa saying, “So, Lajeana… What have you been up to?” I can still picture him sitting in his chair looking at me truly interested in what I had to say. He always had his pen cap he loved to clean his ears with when he was conversing with me. To this day, it still makes me laugh at something so simple.

I can hear my mother in her frustrated voice, “Oh Jeaners” as she rolled her eyes and tapped her fingernails on the table. One by one she would roll them to make a tapping sound. I do this now, just as I had practiced when I was a little girl watching her.

These are sounds I never want to forget—the sounds of their voices and the looks on their faces. I want to tell my children stories of each of them and share their mannerisms. What is a story without descriptions?

Tighter Hugs

Last, I would have hugged them tighter each time I saw them. With my mother, I knew she was about to pass. The night before, we had listened to Josh Groban, “You Raise Me Up”. I had told her that if she needed to go, I understood. I hugged her gently as I could, not hurt her, and left for my brother’s football game. She passed before I could see her the next day.

I remember all of us hugging Grama and Papa before leaving the same night we had come. We were supposed to stay the night but decided to move to our next stop on vacation before nightfall. I didn’t know that I would never see my Papa again.

I received a call from my Aunt S, telling me Papa was not doing well. She held the phone to his ear, so I was able to say goodbye. Even if I had found a flight from California, I would not have made it to Michigan in time. I was not able to give him his final hug. So the memory of our last hug is so meaningful.

Reconnecting

It took years for my mother and I to connect again and it didn’t happen until I started to have children. It was a blessing we had reconnected, however, it was saddening to lose her again.

Papa has a special place in all of his grandchildren’s hearts. He was our fishing coach, our listening ear and for me, he taught me how to slow dance, shoot my first gun, and see life differently.

Life will never be the same without these two influential souls in my life!

Thinking Back

Are there people you love that you would want to do more with? Maybe a phone call you have been needing to make? Hug your loved one’s tight! We never know when tomorrow will be our last, or theirs.

---

Check out my friend Maggie’s article: The Advocate Mom: The Best Advocate.
Are there people you want to reach out to? Is there something you would have done before someone passed? Please send me a message via the contact page or leave me a message on my Instagram.